Cliff edge

SOCIAL media follower Hugh Montgomery was scrolling through X (formerly known as Twitter) the other day when he noticed the sidebar at the edge of the computer screen, which flags up what is trending on the site.

The subjects which were most popular turned out to be: "Lineker", "the Black Death" and "Cliff Richard".

With an understandable shudder, Hugh says: “Surely they must be Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Now we’re just waiting for the fourth equine to arrive, then it truly will be the End of Days.”


Fly guy

MORE high-tech media musings. Albert Mirren recently started reading his Herald online, instead of perusing the print edition.

He’s mostly happy with the evolution in his reading habits, though he admits he was a tad frustrated the other morning when a large and convivial fly started buzzing round his head.

“The one flaw in an iPad’s design,” concludes Albert, “is that you can’t roll it up, then use it to bring a definitive conclusion to a bluebottle’s future prospects.”


Chippy chappie

PUB prattle. The other day reader Ed Porter was enjoying a tipple in his local boozer, which happens to be one of those watering holes that provides an extensive selection of nibbles.

The bloke at the next table was studying the menu, and when the waitress arrived he pointed to his reading material, then said to her in an irritable manner: “See these triple-cooked chips - why no’ cook ‘em just the once? How come yer pickin’ oan them poor chips?”


Termination time

CLIMATE protestors Just Stop Oil have been clogging up traffic again this week.

Reader Nicola Munro wonders if public frustration with the group may lead to a rival organisation being formed, with an opposing message.

Adds Nicola: “Their campaign could be fronted by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who would roar out their pithy slogan… Oil Be Back.” 


Mind your language

LINGO expert Nick Parker gets in touch to say: “Isn’t it handy that the phrase ‘self-explanatory’ is self-explanatory?”



WE’RE figuring out what certain objects would be called if they had been named by the same bright spark who decided to call a two-way radio a walkie-talkie.

Bob Jamieson says: “Could a West of Scotland chap who wears a three-pointed hat and makes his living telling jokes and juggling be known as a Glesca Jesta?”

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Primed pooch

“I’M teaching my dog to fetch tools from the garage,” boasts reader Donald Barr. “He’s not quite mastered it yet. But he knows the drill.”