THE Big Beasties were back for the last Prime Minister’s Questions before summer recess. Bet they’ll be glad to see the back of it. Or, at least, Rishi Sunak will be. The PM does the hardest bit of Qs: the A’s. Which he usually does with a Q.

Sir Keir Starmer, Labour opposition leader, might say interrogatively: “Ve ask ze questions.” But perhaps next year he’ll be the one interrogated.

On Tuesday, former PM Sir Tony Blair told Sir Keir that PMQs was “something I really don’t miss”. He added, every Wednesday at midday, he still got “this uneasy feeling”. Another former Labour PM, Sir Harold Wilson, used to have a couple of brandies first.

Poor Mr Sunak is teetotal, so only has desperate prayers with which to fortify himself for the ordeal. At this week’s PMQs, the Speaker, Sir Lindsay Hoyle, revealed to the assembled mob: “The Prime Minister likes to get away early.”

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Who can blame him? Doubtless he’s dying to open a bottle of pop. After Sir Lindsay had again admonished the PM for asking rather than answering questions, Sir Keir too had a pop: “I think, with his time away, he’s slightly forgotten how this works.”

Rishi missed the last two weeks on account of, respectively, having a verruca and washing his hair. Still, Sir K noted: “I’m sure the whole House is grateful that he’s graced us with his presence today.”

Not that Keir expected any answers, though he did get one when Rishi told him his NHS staffing plan was “fully flunded”. One ’ell of a claim.

Rishi floundered on, asking the Labour man if, with his MPs on the picket lines, it was not time for him to “unglue himself from the fence”.

Sir K stuck to his guns, firing back at such “a burst of nonsense”, and repeating his claim that increased NHS staffing in England could be funded by scrapping the non-dom tax status that Rishi “so adores”.

Rishi said this was the fifth policy Keir was going to fund through that measure. “Everybody knows that I’m a fan of doing maths to 18” – typical Tory cruelty – “but the honourable gentleman makes a very strong case for doing maths all the way to 61.”

Keir: “If he’s so good at maths he’d know I’m 60 not 61.” That’s PMQs: it puts years on you.

When the boy Flynn rose, a nation cried: “Speak for Scotia, Stephen!” And the SNP’s Westminster leader sort of did, averring that no one could outdo Scotland in poverty.

He wanted to know if Rishi took comfort in the fact that the Tories’ “heinous” two-child benefit cap “will no longer just be protected by Conservative members but by Labour members too”.

Rishi agreed enthusiastically, welcoming Labour’s “new-found support”, prompting Stephen to observe: “Voters in Scotland are used to child poverty under the Tories. They almost expect it. But what they don’t expect is child poverty support from the Labour Party.”

Pointing pointedly at Sir Keir, he deployed the famous line from former Australian Labor Prime Minister Paul Keating about Liberal leader John Howard: “There is a shiver running along the Labour front bench looking for a spine …”

In the hullaballoo, he omitted to add “to run up”, but he put Rishi’s back up, prompting the PM to advise the poor: “The best way out of poverty is through work.” Yep, work harder, you low paid swine! Get up those chimneys, you malingering little brats!

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Pete Wishart (SNP) took up the theme of Labour-Tory confluence, averring “there’s no real difference now between the two UK main parties”. It’s arguable, I suppose. Do go on, Pete. Alas, he did. “Isn’t it time that we perhaps rearranged the furniture in this House and have them all on one big bench? Perhaps retitle them the ‘This is What You Get from the UK Party'.” The Thiwygup? It has a ring about it, right enough. A ring for the nurse.

Never mind the nurse. Had Pete even consulted the House janitor about his plan? What would happen to the feng shui of this ancient place? Surely, its shui would all go to feng?

Disgracefully, it soon became clear the PM had given this matter no thought whatsoever. Laughing nervously, he said he’d leave Pete and the Labour Party to sort out such refurbishment matters between them.

In the meantime, Pete and the gang will be furnishing us with no more febrile fantasising for the next seven weeks. Rejoin us after the summer recess, when we’re sure everyone will be in their usual seats. Even Pete.